Make America Poland Again


Now listen here; this is it.  I’ve had an absolute gutful of all this racism and prejudice. You might have gotten away with having a go at all the illegal Mexicans and Latinos who mow your lawns and build Mr Trump’s buildings. But Poles? Trust me, there’s no wall that can stop us. We’ll flood your United States with undocumented Kowalskis and other big Scrabble point winners the way we have already flooded France with plumbers, and the United Kingdom with, well, just about everyone else. By the way, did you know that it was Charlie Hebdo, which first popularised the whole “Polish plumbers are taking away French jobs” panic? Well, screw you, Charlie Hebdo, I’m putting a big fat Polish fatwa on you and will jihad you with a big fat Polish sausage.

So America, prepare for an illegal Polish wave to crash over your border – though that might be wrong imagery for your arid southern border. We are already responsible for the first strike in your history back in 1619, we’ve created your cavalry and army engineering during the War of Independence, we’ve provided artillerymen to defend Alamo (which, I guess, makes us anti-Mexicans), we’ve given you the ammunition for countless Polish jokes, we’ve given you Martha Stewart, Pat Benatar, Barbara Mikulski, Ted Kaczynski and Leon Czolgosz – imagine how much more damage we can do to you. We are legion. Hell, we actually discovered America. Don’t you know that Columbus was Polish, and that John Scolvus got there even earlier? And you, puny Trumpkins, think you can stop us. La Polaco Raza will rise again.