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Boys Gone Wild on Tinder

I know that the International Women’s Day has just passed, but please accept this post as a belated present. When publishing the previous three instalments of “Girls Gone Wild on Brisbane Tinder” (clickbait 1, 2 and 3), I have promised that for the sake of gender balance and equal opportunity ridicule I would one day soon publish the special male edition. After all, us men have a much worse reputation online than the fairer sex, and deservedly so. The female Daily Chrenk readers have over the past few weeks delivered their selection of men’s Tinder profiles that have caught their eye for all the wrong reasons – to protect the guilty I won’t mention any names, but thank you, you know who you are. So please, enjoy swiping left with me, as my lady friends have (hopefully?) done before.

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Far be it for me to black out Adam’s name, since Mr Generosity has got a whole website and a Facebook group going. By the way, if *you’re at that stage in your life where you want children and Mr spells right hasn’t come along send Adam a message.

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The joke’s on you ‘cos Ken doll has no genitals, plastic fantastic.

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Points Wry. If you are a lounge lizard or an erectile reptile at least try to make it funny.

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Tradie would be far more popular with nice girls if he could hold two toilet rolls hands free.

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MAGA, bitchez. Build the wall and keep him out.

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Extreme watersports? Cool, I’m also into whitewater rafting.

Oh…

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As we all know the fastest way to a girl’s heart is with a high-velocity, low-calibre bullet. Sadly for our army guy, his unique set of skills does not include English literacy.

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In my experience nothing convinces a girl to let herself get fingered faster than a romantic meme. You’re all heart, Mr Lilydale College. And a tongue, and a finger.

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Australia parlez “non”.

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There are plenty of fish in the ocean. Unfortunately they’re the fish that John West and female Tinder users reject.

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Imagine this scenario: [swipes left]

I’m sore just looking at these profiles. Happy weekend, everyone!

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