Boys Gone Wild on Tinder, Part II
Because here at the The Daily Chrenk we don’t want to be accused of discrimination, sexism and misogyny – we are, after all, equal opportunity mockers – and because we understand that a large percentage of our readership are women, we are proud to bring you the second installment of Boys Gone Wild on Tinder (Part 1 here), all thanks to a few of our single friends and readers who have braved the world of Tinder only so as to be able to forward us their best finds (that’s the mutually agreed story and we’re sticking to it).
If you are a female TDC reader, peruse the flower of the Australian manhood and rejoice that you are happily coupled up or, if single, vow never to go on Tinder, at least not unaccompanied. If you are a male TDC reader, take a break from fantasising about being single again and matching with any of our regular Girls Gone Wild on Brisbane Tinder (part 6 here), and take stock of what some of your competition would have been. Alternatively, like me, you can just cry.
You do have to appreciate the juxtaposition of a romantic meme with the sexually explicit content. Because what woman would not want someone who is not only proud to have you, but will also take every risk just to keep you – oh, and finger blast you.
Sadly, the army doesn’t seem to give you a unique set of English language skills anymore. But it teaches you that the shortest way to a woman’s heart is by bouncing 50 cents off a bed, and posing with a rifle. The latter lesson has also been learned by our next gentlemen:
Why pose with one just long arm, when you can pose with eleven? Ladies, don’t crush one another in a rush. To the exit.
You mean I can rent THESE EYEBROWS? No way!
I’m all for honesty in profiles, but perhaps taking off your glasses for your main picture is justified in some circumstances.
And you can get lucky and become Mrs Lucky; just swipe right.
Studies show that nothing increases your chances of a successful match more than posing with your children and sharing a happy life story.
Meanwhile, ladies, here’s your chance of a lifetime with a budding music mogul. Remember: make him laugh.
He might not have real guns (one hopes), but he has pride. Hug a hoodie.
Also: an educated asshole.
Superheroes don’t exist. Neither do video stores. No wonder he’s not sure.
And when all else fails, you can make an ass out of yourself:
Keep ’em coming, ladies. We will shame them, but we won’t name them.