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Making a complete dick out myself – at the Icelandic Phallological Museum

I wonder how many families turn away disappointed from the doorstep upon being told by the usher that this is a p-h-a-l-l-o-l-o-g-i-c-a-l museum – not p-a-l-e-o-l-o-n-t-h-o-l-o-g-i-c-a-l. No dinosaurs, kids, just plenty of dicks.

Situated at the uncool end of Reykjavik’s coolest street, Laugavegur, the Icelandic Phallological Museum is the result of the decades of obsession (I think it is the right word in this context) by the (now retired) teacher of history and Spanish, Sigurdur Hjatarson, whose interest in the topic was first stimulated (aham) when he was gifted as a child a whip made out of a bull’s penis (why? I hear you ask. I don’t know. It’s Iceland. They do things differently there). The musuem is now run by Sigurdur’s son,  Hjörtur, described by Slate as “the world’s only hereditary penis-museum operator”.

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How could a tourist like me resist? After all, what goes on tour, stays on tour – and on The Daily Chrenk. Forever.

The museum houses over two hundred preserved specimens of mammalian dick, mostly but not exclusively of land and sea animals of Iceland, anything from a mice to a whale. There is also one pathetic human specimen kindly donated to the museum, as well as three I.O.U.s from men who will understandably only part with their appendages only upon death. I’m certainly thinking of donating one:

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In addition to a fair selection of penile art and memorabilia, there are also troll and elf wee-wees. This is Iceland, after all. But all the other specimens are very much real. Speaking of the I.O.U.s (apologies for the orientation of photos; it’s a glitch of blogging on the road):

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Below left – bull (and now you can see how a whip can be made of it):

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African specimens, the tallest one – unsurprisingly – belongs to a giraffe:

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Never mind umbrella stands made out of an elephant’s foot. Here is another elephant foot (plus):

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But now back to Iceland – killer whale (they don’t call it killer for nothing!) and a walrus (minus moustache):

img_6967img_6968What do you call a combination of a selfie with a dick pic? I don’t know. Anyway, here’s me with a killer whale and a sperm whale (again, an apt name):

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Now you know why I have no future in representative politics.

Anyways. It looks like the nose is not the only red thing about Rudolf:

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Some professor has even written a book about the museum. It’s all very subversive, no doubt.

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I would love to write more about the museum, but I have to take an important phonecall. The Icelandic Phallological Museum – 1500 Krona, well worth your time and your laugh.

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