THE WILD ANTI-COLONIAL BOYS (AND GIRLS (AND OTHER 36 GENDERS))In the dispatches from the front of the culture wars:

Students at The George Washington University (GWU) have launched a petition demanding that the school change its “offensive” mascot, the Colonial.

According to the petition, “the use of ‘Colonials,’ no matter how innocent the intention, is received as extremely offensive by not only students of the University, but the nation and world at large.”

“The historically, negatively-charged figure of Colonials has too deep a connection to colonization and glorifies the act of systemic oppression,” the petitioners argue, suggesting that “alternative nickname recommendations [include] ‘Hippos,’ ‘Revolutionaries,’ or ‘Riverhorses.’”

Rachel Yakobashvili, a petition organizer, told Campus Reform that she started the petition because “it was time for students to be able to voice their concerns and desires in a more public and organized manner.”

Supporters of the motion argue that changing the mascot—which has portrayed the school’s namesake, George Washington, since 1926—is necessary to make GW inclusive. Andrew Hesbacher, another petition organizer, told The Hatchet that in many places, colonials are equivalent to terrorists and murderers.

Other advocates of the petition claim that without the change to its mascot, the university is supporting colonization. In an April 16 op-ed for The Hatchet, for instance, student Alejandra Velazquez complained that “we are implicitly supporting colonization, not just in sports games, but in any school event where the mascot appears.”

One day the concerned students might make the terrible discovery that the 18th century non-Native Americans were indeed colonials, North America having been colonised by the British, as well as the French, the Spanish, the Dutch, and even the Russians (yes, the Trump collusion has long roots). George Washington was a colonial too, before he became an American. In fact, the students signing the petition are themselves the legatees and beneficiaries of the European colonisation, and as such should hang their heads in shame and as soon as practicable leave the United States and return to Great Britain or any other country where their ancestors have come from. Anything short of that will be seen as a tacit acceptance of imperialism and its pernicious consequences.

P.S. Please don’t change the nickname to “Revolutionaries”, lest the students then petition to change the mascot to Che Guevara.

P.P.S. Elsewhere, Crusaders are Islamopohobic.