Florida Man strikes again


Cesar Altier Sayoc, 56, has been arrested in connection with mailing (by now) 14 apparent pipe bombs to various past and present Democrat celebrities. If convicted, we here at The Daily Chrenk, wish Mr Sayoc happy rest of his life behind bars, whether for murderous urges or merely extreme stupidity.

What we know so far about him paints a pretty bizarre picture – as bizarre as you would expect of someone who sends letter bombs to politicians:

  • Sayoc in the past maintained he was a part-Seminole Indian, but this appears to be another case of Elizabeth Warrenitis, with the local Seminole tribe maintaining they have no record of Sayoc ever being a member. His father is a naturalised Filipino migrant and his mother is an Italian-American.
  • “According to his now-deleted Facebook page, in which he went by Cesar Altieri Randazzo, he is a graduate of North Miami Beach Senior High who went on to study business, finance and economics at the UNC Charlotte and pre-veterinary care at Brevard College in North Carolina.”
  • He has had numerous brushes with the law, including petty theft, grand theft, fraud and battery charges stretching from 1992 to 2015 (most recently shoplifting). He was already making bomb threats as early as 2002 to a power company that he claimed had overcharged him.
  • Sayoc has worked in the past as a male stripper and claimed to have subsequently worked for Chippendale male revue, while in reality working for another company sued on multiple occasions by Chippendale for infringement.
  • Sayoc has filed for chapter 7 bankruptcy in 2012; “his name is listed on business records tied to dry cleaning and catering businesses.”
  • His mother is a Democrat, and Sayoc appears to have been a Democrat until 2015 or ’16, “with documents released yesterday by Broward County authorities in Florida showing he had reported the theft in 2015 of more than $7,000 worth of Trump-branded clothing.” His Facebook page, which has now been taken down, “was predominantly filled with extremist right-wing propaganda, including wild conspiracy theories, anti-Muslim, anti-Clinton and anti-Obama messages, and disturbing images of beheadings and people being set on fire.” He also raged against various celebrities and media personalities on Twitter.
  • Sayoc’s mother claims he has been suffering for years from mental issues. Arguably not helping has been his predilection for steroids (he has also been a body builder). ‘Roids rage, anyone? He has been estranged from his family for several years (there have been two domestic violence charges relating to incidents with his mother – roughly the same time frame as his political conversion.
  • “A former colleague from the male stripping circuit said he had struggled with his identity and frustration at not being able to make a career as a professional wrestler.”
  • Ronald Lowy, a family friend and a lawyer who represented Sayoc in the past in his criminal cases says that “He’s someone who doesn’t exhibit the sophistication to commit such a sophisticated crime. He’s always shown a diminished capacity in dealing with society, a difficulty conforming or carrying on substantial tasks without supervision.”

It is still unclear why (thank God) none of the explosive devices actually exploded.

FBI Director Christopher Wray confirmed today that though authorities are still analyzing 14 explosive devices sent to a variety of Democratic targets, “these are not hoax devices.”

“Each device consisted of roughly six inches of PVC pipe, a small clock, a battery, some wiring and what is known as energetic material, which is essentially potential explosives and material that give off heat and energy through a reaction to heat, shock, or friction,” Wray said at a Justice Department press conference.

There are some questions whether the clock had an alarm or not, and whether therefore could set off explosives. Stay tuned whether Sayoc was a mad bombing genius, an incompetent or merely wanted to scare rather than kill or injure. Either way, This deeply trouble individual is now safely off the streets.