You’re only as old as the woman you feel – or want to feel


Gender and sexuality being fluid, and increasingly colour and ethnicity too, why not age? When you abandon any objective standards – because they reflect the power structures in the society and are tools of oppression – what argument is there to be put against feelings or self-perception?

A pensioner has begun a legal battle to be recognised as being 20 years younger than his actual age so he can go back to work and achieve greater success with women on Tinder.

Emile Ratelband, 69, argues that if transgender people are allowed to change sex, he should be allowed to change his date of birth because doctors said he has the body of a 45-year-old.

The entrepreneur and self-help guru is suing his local authority after they refused the amend his age on official documents.

Mr Ratelband’s case has now gone to a court in the city of Arnhmen [sic] in the eastern Dutch province of Gelderland.

The case has caused controversy in his homeland, with the Dutch edition of Vice, a news website, asking, “Is Emile Ratelband disturbed or accidentally extremely woke?”

Mr Ratelband was born on 11th March 1949, but says he feels at least 20 years younger and wants to change his birth date to 11th March 1969.

Mr Ratelband said: “I have done a check-up and what does it show? My biological age is 45 years.

“When I’m 69, I am limited. If I’m 49, then I can buy a new house, drive a different car. I can take up more work.

 “When I’m on Tinder and it say I’m 69, I don’t get an answer. When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.
Not all heroes wear capes; this one wears clogs. He is an inspiration to every older guy on online dating websites or apps who soon discovers that there are extremely few younger women who are attracted to older men. Mr Ratelband could have done what so many do online – lie about his age, as others lie about their weight, height, body type, marital status, professional background and any number of other important details. Instead, like a good citizen, he wants to do it all legally.
There are endless benefits to letting people – and it wouldn’t be just men, of course – being able to choose their age, but a few stand out:
  • less retirement idleness and longer working lives mean the demographic decline and its threat to our tax base can be postponed by a few decades
  • the end to the scourge of underage drinking
  • the left’s dream comes true as millions of 18-year old children are allowed to vote for free stuff
I, by the way, identify as a 20 year old, which many of TDC readers would have guessed by now while estimating my level of maturity.