Who’s your Baghdaddy? A tale in five obituaries

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Unless you have been living under a rock, you know that the ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is dead, having blown himself and his three children up while being chased down a tunnel in his compound┬áby US military dogs – a very fit end for a jihadi if there ever was one. One of the dogs was injured in the blast, so here are our best wishes for a speedy recovery from The Daily Chrenk team. Good boy.

Unless you have been living under a rock, you would have also heard by now the story of not one, not two, but three “Washington Post” obituaries of Baghdadi. Writing about the departed is never easy, particularly if they have not been dearly so, but WaPo has really screwed the pooch in this case.

The start was quite innocuous:

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I’m not sure what happened, but perhaps some of the more woke readers protested along the lines of: “Terrorist-in-chief”? What the hell is it? A Murdoch tabloid? Stop with this unsophisticated, neocon, alt-right, Trumpist jargon; you can do better than Fox propaganda for fly-over mouth-breathers.

So they tried:

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This time it was the right: “Austere religious scholar”? WTF. Cardinal Ratzinger is an austere religious scholar, you dumb ****s. A POS who rapes his sex slaves and orders mass executions, beheadings, burning alive in cages and crucifixions is neither a scholar nor a gentleman.

So it was third time the charm:

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This one was uncontentious, but by this stage of mass outrage no one cared anymore.

While other news outlets have performed much better, there have been a couple of other weird takes on Baghdadi’s life and work. Like this Bloomberg “up-by-his-own-bootstraps” success story of a local boy made good:

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One wonders if he watched some YouTube self-help vids or read “How To Win Friends And Influence People”.

And while the London “Times” had no compunctions about mentioning Baghdadi’s recent “achievements”, their obit made it sound like a story of a seemingly normal and well-adjusted suburban young man who one day gets on a bus and detonates a home-made bomb in his backpack:

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The only thing seemingly missing is the obligatory “His motives remain unknown”.

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