When the much loved and admired Pope John Paul II passed away after a long battle with illness, crowds gathered outside St Peter’s basilica in the Vatican City started spontaneously chanting “santo subito!”, roughly translated as “[make him] a saint now!” The beatification and then the canonisation did not occur instantly, but such was the consensus throughout the Catholic Church about Karol Wojtyla’s extraordinary life and influence on the world that the whole process from the death to the halo took a relatively short time (for a 2000-year institution) of just nine years.
As “The New York Times” now informs us, “President Biden is perhaps the most religiously observant commander in chief in half a century. A different, more liberal Christianity grounds his life and his policies.” A more accurate description would perhaps be “the most religiously observant abortion advocate”, but hey, nobody’s perfect. And never mind the strong faith of presidents like Jimmy Carter and George W Bush; Joe Biden is the Gray Old Lady’s preferred type of a believer – one whose Christian religion in no way intrudes on his – and the Lady’s – progressive religion.
And maybe there is something to it. As E M Dalderfield once wrote, “Most Englishmen are convinced that God is an Englishman, probably educated at Eton.” Maybe God is an American leftist instead. Because as keen political observers will note, Joe Biden’s life and work over the past few months seems to be thick with miracles. Those amazing supernatural occurrences center around the COVID epidemic, an event in our contemporary history that more than any other needs miracles to bring about any sort of a happy ending. And so, if the faithful can demand sainthood for the Polish Pope at the point of his death, doesn’t such an obvious miracle-worker like Joe Biden deserve sainthood before Kamala Harris’ presidency?
This is the case for the instant canonisation of our 47th President so that he can speedily join such heavenly luminaries as St Gregory the Great, St Sebastian and St Carlo Borromeo as a patron saint protecting against plague:
1. The presidential election was held on 3 November 2020, and while in the evening of the election day it all looked hopeful for Donald Trump, overnight the miracle of multiplying ballots in cities like Philadelphia and Pittsburgh had put Joe Biden on an unexpected path to victory. A few days later, on 9 November, just as Biden’s lead was all but secure, Pfizer announced it has successfully developed the first COVID vaccine. Only a self-proclaimed President-Elect at that time, but Joe had already scored his first miracle, bringing forth the much-hoped for vaccine when Donald Trump couldn’t.
2. Then, when it was finally certain that Trump was gone for good, Biden achieved his first miracle in office, as early as the first day of the new presidency:
The faithful were reminded of Moses parting the Red Sea with his staff or Joshua stopping the sun from moving by holding out his outstretched hands . The 21 of January was not only Joe Biden’s Inauguration but the inauguration of the new era of good news.
3. Not only has Joe Biden singlehandedly reversed COVID’s upward trend, but his impending presence in the White House has also miraculously led to the economy reopening, something that previously wasn’t thought possible as it would kill all grandmothers*:
12 January: “New York Governor Andrew Cuomo said Monday that the state must start reopening its economy despite most New Yorkers not having received a coronavirus vaccination, saying that there will be ‘nothing left to open’ otherwise.” (*those not already killed by Cuomo)
14 January: “Mayor Lori Lightfoot said Thursday she’s seeking to reopen Chicago’s bars and restaurants for indoor service as soon as possible… ‘We are at the point where we need to be talking about when and not if’.”
21 January: “The [Washington DC’s] indoor dining ban will be lifted Friday at 5 a.m. and restaurants will be able to return to serving 25% of their regular capacity inside… The previous executive order issued during the holiday period, just two days before Christmas, was set to expire on Jan. 15, 2021, at 5 a.m. However, Bowser extended the executive order, citing both public health and safety concerns in the wake of the Jan. 6 Capitol riots leading up to the Biden-Harris inauguration.”
Under Joe Biden’s kind and watchful gaze, the economy might now finally slowly start to recover from the devastation it suffered under Donald Trump’s negligent and deadly misrule in states and cities governed by the Democrats.
This is all just as well, by the way, since on 5 January we have been informed by Stanford University researchers that lockdowns don’t work.
4. But that’s not the end of Biden’s COVID miracles! Just hours after Joe was sworn in, Amazon, like a blind man whose sight is suddenly restored, has discovered it now has the ability to assist the administration with the vaccine roll-out. Sinful Donald Trump never had this sort of a holy touch to make the lame walk and the Big Tech to help.
Far be it for me to usurp the powers and prerogatives of the Church, but the case for sainthood seems pretty clear. A few more months of Joe Biden and and COVID will be gone, certainly from the front pages, maybe even from America in general. This is perhaps in part what the Saint-Elect means when he talks about healing. I, for one, look forward to the day when all Catholics – liberal or not – will be able to ask St Joseph to intercede on our behalf with the Son of God himself. Because while he might not listen to our prayers directly, surely Barack will humour Joe.